Not Playing

My internet is out at where I'm staying at right now. (at a friend's posting this and don't feel like grinding) I've been away from the tables for nearly 3 days now. I'm going to end this month as my best month ever even without holding on to my rake race spots. I think this "vacation" might actually do me a little good, and help me rejuvenate when I hit the tables again. I feel the urge to improve immensely though and am reading some poker books and as much material online that I can digest. I'm very excited for the future, but I guess no poker for another week perhaps.

Crazy Day

I almost had my best day ever in terms of buyins, but then I either started to not run hot or lost focus. I'm not sure, but this is a sick game. I was doing very well and then the usual story happens. I take 1 or 2 beats where I was a 2 to 1 or 3 to 1 favorite and then I melt down. I really need to turn how to quit when I'm way ahead, or not melt down. I never know when to stop, so I guess I'm just going to have to learn how to keep my focus always. I wonder if this is what destiny awaits me, or perhaps one day I won't have to be grinding micro-stakes. Maybe, but I guess I like it when I'm not losing, which unfortunately the latter part of today felt like. It's a double edged sword, I'm always hungry for more. Hungry or greedy? Is there a difference, whatever motivates me... Lots of rakeback lol, and maybe AP isn't rigged after all.



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Paradox of a Poker Player III

The edge of a poker player is a paradox. Supposedly, great poker players are suppose to have a big edge on their opponents in order to overcome luck and beat their opponents for a good winrate. In the micro-limits, the edge needs to be even bigger because rake is such a significant drag on the winrate.(This is probably easier still then playing high stakes) However, this is a game that you can't really do too much different from your opponents. On the other hand, your edge is huge as you can get the money in drawing good, 60%, or very good, 80%. You can also fold when you just get that gut feeling(read) that you are dominated and not get the money in bad nearly as often as your opponents. The casino only has a 5.26% edge on their customers in roulette, so that illustrates that despite the thin edges in poker, if you get your money in good, over time, that is a very big edge. One good enough to make a living from it probably.

AP Sucks!

I can't win there. I don't understand why not. I've never dropped as many buyins in a session as I came close to today. I'm not sure if they cheat or not, I seriously think it's rigged. Maybe the bad beat jackpot really does affect my winrate a lot. The tables there all are over 30 vpip compared to the nittier FTP. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I've tried playing nitty there, lag, and in between. Different styles, same results. AP really sucks, but their support and cashout is better than ftp although you have to pay for a check to send you your money. Maybe just more variance on AP. I don't know, but I'm just going to keep grinding my game and hopefully everything will work itself out. I swear, the players there hit every single draw, maybe I just hit every draw on ftp. AP is rigged lol, all I can do is lol. I really don't think I'm going to play the two events ftops I planned on playing tomorrow, breaks my heart, but mentally I'm not there right now. Thank you bankroll, and I'm so glad I have one so I stress LESS! Man somedays, I almost feel like quitting, but I go to bed and wake up to the dreams of winning. Why only dream it when I can make it happen?

I really wanted to play until I got unstuck to prove my indomitable will, but IO guess some days it just wasn't meant to be. Really proud of my effort, but you either make it or you don't. And I didn't make it today.


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Focus

Wow, I really need to learn how to focus. It's the same demons that have plagued me my entire career. At least I think the bankroll won't be an issue anymore as long as I don't withdraw too much money. I can already feel a lot less stress from having a bankroll now. I think I will start playing hu soon again. I was having an awesome day, and then without explanation I just stopped playing my best. I wouldn't even say I was playing poker, my mind was somewhere a far. Sure, there were some beats that weren't pretty, but this is poker. I didn't deserve to win today. O well, I made 200 bucks in PLO in like 2 hours, was running very hot and won like every flip, even the ones where I was like a 43 dog. Below was how I ended today in hold'em, I'm really happy with how I'm playing for the majority of this month. Maybe I should have stopped when I didn't feel like playing anymore, but I just have this mentality that I need to keep grinding. Well nothing I can do anymore, but just get back up tomorrow. I'm still undecided about playing ftops tomorrow, I think I will play the 6max event for sure, but after this session it's better to not risk going on tilt after busting a tournament. I also don't think I'm ready to play a tournament against some seasoned competition and looked back at my history of the KO tourney last night and realized I won 3 coinflips when all my money was in. I would have just cashed if I lost the 2nd to last coinflip, but if I had lost either one of those two before, I wouldn't even have cashed. Bad way of thinking about things, but I really don't want to run bad. In cash, I can just grind and grind and now with the amount of hands I put in in a day, variance is really limited. Even on a day as terrible as today, it was my game, not the game.



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Tournaments

I ended my night spots within my first final table in a long time. I made like 200 dollars off of it, but I came so close. Really happy with the way I played, won about 2 coinflips where I was all-in in the tournament and busted out on a hand where I was a 2 to 1 favorite after getting most of the money in postflop. Sigh* one fucking time dealer! One fucking time! I used my iron man medals to buy a tourney ticket so I counted everything as profits, otherwise the buyin would have been 75 dollars. FTOPS, am I ready? I like my chances.

Grinding

Very proud at the quality of play I put in today. I also ran like shit, but I battled and battled...Every time I was down, I immediately got out of my seat and was on tilt. I am pretty sure I'm going to get a punching bag soon, but I regained by composure and just laughed it off. Lets hope I can maintain this pace, life is good, I should really just laugh more. Who cares about bad beats, it is part of the game right?



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July Wrapup

I made 2688 including rakeback and bonuses. I'm not happy at all. I am disgusted with my work ethic, but I keep using my slow internet as an excuse. I left 60 dollars of bonus on the table at ftp b/c I wasn't playing there much. I did get in 75k hands of hold'em in 110 hours, but didn't play hu that much. I think I might have ended up a buyin, but I think a break from hu will do me some good. I haven't really been the same since being touched in the head. I ended down 275 dollars in PLO in 10k hands of PLO at 42 hours. Meh, my month could have been a lot better. The future looks bright however as I have fast speed internet again and I recently set up my new desktop. Amazingly fast! Looking forward to having a great August and working harder on my game and hours spent at the tables. I'm really hoping I can book another 100 dollars last month from rake race, trying to hold off a few spots, but the stats haven't updated.